Saturday, October 31, 2009

Malletopathy - the healthcare revolution

No more conventional medicine for me: Malletopathy is here, an alternative treatment that combines ancient wisdom with modern technology.
The Mallet is made of wood, borrowed not harvested, from the deep forests in Norway. The arctic climate, combined with virtually no pollution, makes the wood hard, pure and very susceptible to energy transfer The Mallet is handcrafted by experts in Malletopathy, sized and fitted to the specific illness or injury.

The Cloth of Healing is handmade, using only virgin arctic cotton. It is thereby ideal for energy reception and molecular memory storage. The weaving of the arctic cotton prolongs the energy storage time to practically infinity, limited only by the natural degeneration of organic material.

The energy transfer, through the art of Mallletopathy, is a complex process on molecular level. In layman's terms, it is similar to the transfer of light to heat, fuel to propulsion, and sunlight into vitamins. Energy is constant, what varies is the state it is in.

The secret to properly transfer and store energy lies also in the way The Mallet is struck onto The Cloth of Healing. Ten times for each element, rotating east to west. This ensures that all the latent energy is transferred from The Mallet to The Cloth, thereby clearing The Mallet for a new energy transfer session.


At 31 October, 2009 15:15 , Anonymous Asbjørn Dyrendal said...

Obviously a reformed and modernized version. In True and Orthodox Norse Malletopathy™ the cloth is fitted unto the head of the patient.

(Payment before treatment, of course.)

If this reformed version catches on, it signals the downfall of all the naturalness the wood stands for.

At 31 October, 2009 15:40 , Blogger Bjørn Stærk said...

That's so typical of the attitude of mainstream malletopaths.

At 31 October, 2009 16:10 , Anonymous Asbjørn Dyrendal said...

Clearly, you've been brainwashed by the "complementary" attitude of reformed malletopaths. A simple series of light blows to the correctly fitted cloth should remedy that.

But for the record, we would like to note that the claim that malletopathy "can be used in addition to other healthcare services " is misleading: After True and Orthodox Norse Malletopathy™ you won't need any other treatment.

At 31 October, 2009 21:13 , Anonymous KEE said...

Bullshit. Retrophrenology has a much more holistic approach. I know for a fact that the method is endorsed by none orher than members of the royal family; what more proof do you need?

At 31 October, 2009 22:36 , Blogger Bjørn Stærk said...

Asbjørn Dyrendahl: "Clearly, you've been brainwashed by the "complementary" attitude of reformed malletopaths."

I'm not saying that conventional malletopathy is not right for some people, or for some illnesses, particularly head-related ones. But I don't understand the need to force this one single interpretation of malletopathy down the throat of everyone. Reformed malletopathy works for me, and for many other people. And yes we do sometimes use it in combination with other medical traditions. Modern malletopathy is an open-minded and tolerant movement. We embrace good ideas wherever they come from. Why, if we always listened to the traditionalists we'd still be using clubs.

KEE: "Retrophrenology has a much more holistic approach."

Retrophrenology is not incompatible with malletopathy. On the contrary. Retrophrenology is malletopathy applied to psychology.

At 01 November, 2009 16:14 , Anonymous Uncle E said...

I am so glad you found my site and are sharing the wisdom of Malletopathy with the world. May the mallet be with you! Uncle E, the founder of Malletopathy.


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