Miss Anne Elk
	as transcribed by Tim Pointing, DCIEM  870914
			From "Monty Python's Previous Record"


			Cast:	Chris (Interviewer)
				Anne Elk

Chris:	Good evening. Tonight: "dinosaurs". I have here, sitting in the
	studio next to me, an elk.
Anne:	Ahhhh!!!
Chris:	Oh, I'm sorry! Anne Elk - Mrs Anne Elk
Anne:	Miss!
Chris:	Miss Anne Elk, who is an expert on di...
Anne:	N' n' n' n' no! Anne Elk!
Chris:	What?
Anne:	Anne Elk, not Anne Expert!
Chris:	No! No, I was saying that you, Miss Anne Elk, were an , A-N not
	A-N-N-E, expert...
Anne:	Oh!
Chris:	...on elks - I'm sorry, on dinosaurs. I'm ...
Anne:	Yes, I certainly am, Chris. How very true. My word yes.
Chris:	Now, Miss Elk - Anne - you have a new theory about the brontosaurus.
Anne:	Can I just say here, Chris for one moment, that I have a new theory
	about the brontosaurus?
Chris:	Uh... Exactly...  What is it?
Anne:	Where?
Chris:	No! No, what is your theory?
Anne:	What is my theory?
Chris:	Yes!
Anne:	What is my theory that it is? Yes. Well, you may well ask what is
	my theory.
Chris:	I am asking.
Anne:	And well you may. Yes, my word, you may well ask what it is, this
	theory of mine. Well, this theory, that I have, that is to say,
	which is mine,... is mine.
Chris:	I know it's yours! What is it?
Anne:	... Where? ... Oh! Oh! What is my theory?
Chris:	Yes!
Anne:	Ahh! My theory, that I have, follows the lines that I am about to
	relate.  [starts prolonged throat clearing]
Chris:	[under breath] Oh, God!
	[Anne still clearing throat]
Anne:	The Theory, by A. Elk (that's "A" for Anne", it's not by a elk.)
Chris:	Right...
Anne:	[clears throat] This theory, which belongs to me, is as follows...
	[more throat clearing]
	This is how it goes...
	[clears throat]
	The next thing that I am about to say is my theory.
	[clears throat]
	Ready?
Chris:	[wimpers]
Anne:	The Theory, by A. Elk [Miss]. My theory is along the following lines...
Chris:	[under breath]God!
Anne:	...All brontosauruses are thin at one end; much, much thicker in
	the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory
	that I have and which is mine and what it is, too.
Chris:	That's it, is it?
Anne:	Right, Chris!
Chris:	Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit the nail right
	on the head.
Anne:	... and it's mine.
Chris:	Thank you for coming along to the studio.
Anne:	My pleasure, Chris.
Chris:	Britain's newest wasp farm...
Anne:	It's been a lot of fun...
Chris:	...opened last week...
Anne:	...saying what my theory is...
Chris:	... Yes, thank you.
Anne:	...and whose it is.
Chris:	Yes....  opened last week...
Anne:	I have another theory.
Chris:	Not today, thank you.
Anne:	My theory #2, which is the second theory that I have.
	[clears throat]. This theory...
Chris:	Look! Shut up!
Anne:	...is what I am about to say.
Chris:	Please shut up!
Anne:	which, with what I have said, are the two theories that are mine
	and which belong to me.
Chris:	If you don't shut up, I shall have to shoot you!
Anne:	[clears throat] My xxx theory, which I posses the ownership of,
	which belongs to...

	[Sound of a single gun shot]

Anne:	[clearing throat] The Theory the Second, by Anne...

	[Sound of prolonged machine gun fire]
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Enjoy!
Tim - tim@zorac.arpa