****  The Holy Hand-Grenade
****  from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
****  Transcribed from left-over electical impulses in the brain cells of
****  Malcolm  Dickinson
****  Corrected by Dr.Doom / Amega Industries


                      ***  The Holy Hand Grenade  ***

 The knights rush into a cave, huffing and puffing, to take cover from the
vicious onslaught of the Killer Rabbit.

Arthur: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!

Arthur: Right, how many did we lose?
Lancelot: Well...Gawain...Ector...and Bors.
Arthur:	That's five.
Bedevere: Three, Sire!
Arthur:	Three. Three. We better not risk another frontal assault,
	that rabbit is dynamite!
Robin:	Would we happen to confuse it, if we ran away more?
Arthur: Ohh, shut up and go and change your armor!
Galahad: Let us taunt it. It may become so cross that it will make a mistake!
Arthur: Like what?
 (pause)
Galahad: Well, Ummmm....
Lancelot: Have we got bows?
Arthur: (quickly) No.
Lancelot: (brightly) We *have* the Holy Hand Grenade!
Arthur: Yes of course! The holy handgrenade of Antioc 'Tis one of the
	sacred relics that Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother
	Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
Monks: (Chant)
			Die Jesu domine,
			Dona eis requiem.
			...x4

(Pause.  Arthur examines the hand grenade, turning it over in his hands.)
Arthur: How does it....How does it work?
High Priest: I know not, my leige.
Arthur: Consult the book of Armaments!
High Priest: Armaments Chapter Two, verses nine through twenty-one:
Brother Maynard: And Saint Attila raised the Hand Grenade up on high
                 saying, "Oh Lord, Bless this thy Hand Grenade, and with it
                 thou must blow our enemies to tiny bits." In thy mercy.
                 And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the
                 lambs, and sloes, and carps and anschovy, and orangutans,
		 and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large...
High Priest:  Skip a bit, brother.
Brother Maynard: And the Lord spake, saying:
		"First, shalt thou take out the holy pin.
		Then shalt thou count to three.
		No more, no less.
		*Three* shall be the number thou shall count, and the
		number of the counting shall be three.
		*Four* shalt thou not count, and neither count thou two,
		excepting that thou then proceed on to three.
		Five is RIGHT OUT.  Once the number three, being the third
		number be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade
		of Antioc, to-wards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight,
		shall snuff it.
		Amen.
All: Amen.
Arthur: Right!  (pulls pin)
        One!
        Two!
        Five!
Bedevere: Three, Sire!!
Arthur: Three!  (throws hand grenade at the Killer Rabbit)

(holy music)

KABOOM.