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*** "The last supper" scetch from Monty Python in Hollywood ***
*** Transcribed by Dr.Doom / Amega Industries ***
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[Holy music]
Servant (Graham Chapman): Michel-Angelo to see you, your holyness.
Pope (John Cleese): Who?
S: Michelangelo, the famous renaissance artist who's best known
works includes: ceiling of the sixtenes chapel and the celebrated
statue of David.
P: Very well.
S: In 1514 he returned to Firence, and...
P: (Irritated) Alright. That's enough, that's enough, they got it now!
S: Oh.
(The servant leaves)
Michelangelo (Erik Idle): Good evening, your holyness!
P: Good evening, Michelangelo. I wanna have a word with you about
this painting of yours, "The last supper"
M: Oh yeah?
P: I'm not happy about it!
M: Oh dear. It took me hours!
P: Not happy, at all.
M: Is it the jelly you don't like?
P: No!
M: Oh, you know, they do add a little colour. Oh I know, you don't
like the kangaroo!
P: What kangaroo?
M: No problem, I paint 'im out.
P: I never saw a kangaroo?
M: Eeeeeh... He's right in the back, I'll paint him out, no sweat
I'll make him into a disciple.
P: Ahh
M: Alright?
P: That's the problem!
M: What is?
P: The disciples.
M: Are they too jewish?
I made Judas the most jewish.
P: No. It's just that there are twenty-eight of them!
M: Oh, well another one will never matter. I'll paint the kangaroo into
another one.
P: No, that's not the point.
M: I can always loose the kangaroo. Be honest, I wasn't perfectly
happy with it.
P: That's not the point. There are twenty-eight disciples!
M: Too many?
P: Well, ofcourse it's too many!
M: Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of a real
last supper, you know, not just any old last supper.
Not the last meal or a final snack! But, You know, I wanted to
give the impression of a real "mother of a blowout" You know?
P: There were only twelve disciples at the last supper!
M: Well, maybe some of the other one came along late...
P: (Interrupting) There were only twelve all together!
M: Well, maybe some of their friends came by, you kno...
P: Look! There were just twelve disciples and the Lord at the last
supper. The Bible... Clearly says so!
M: No friends?
P: No friends!
M: Waiters?
P: No!
M: Cabaret?
P: NO!
M: You see, I like them, They helps to flesh out the sceen. I could
loose a few.
P: Look, there were only twelve disciples...
M: I've got it, I've got it.
We'll call it "The last but one supper"
P: What?
M: Well, there must have been one, if there was a last one, there must
have been a one before that!
So this is "the penultimate supper"
The Bible does not say how many peoples were there, now does it?
P: Noo...
M: Well, there you are then...
P: Look, the last supper is an significant event in the life of our
Lord. The penultimate supper was not!
Even if they had a conjurer and a merryartifice band.
The last supper, I commisioned from you and the last supper I Want!
With twelve disciples and one Christ!
M: [Pause] ONE!?
P: YES! ONE!
Now will you please tell me what in God's name posessed you to
paint this with three Christs in it!
M: It WORKS mate!
P: WORKS!?
M: Yeah, It looks great!
The fat one balances the two skinny ones!
P: There was only one Redeemer!
M: I know that, we all know that, what about a bit of artistic licence.
P: Well, ONE Messias is what I want.
M: I tell you what you want mate, you want a bloody photographer,
that's what you want. Not a bloody creative artist...
(The pope jumps down from his seat and walks against Michelangelo)
P: I tell you what I want a last supper with one Christ, twelve
disciples, no kangaoos, no trampoline acts, by Thursday lunch
or you won't get paid!
M: Bloody fascist!
P: LOOK, I'M THE BLOODY POPE, I am!
I may not know much about art, but I know what I like!