MONTYPYT.TXT - Beginner's Guide to the Monty Python Newsgroup

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From: drkwlf@wam.umd.edu (Sir DarkWolf)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: alt.fan.monty-python FAQ
Date: 20 Feb 1995 05:50:53 GMT
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
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NNTP-Posting-Host: rac1.wam.umd.edu



               Beginner's Guide to the Monty Python Newsgroup
                  This is the completely unofficial FAQ 
       for the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup, also called a.f.m-p.


  Version 1.21                                 Last modified Jan. 29, 1994




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This FAQ is written and maintained by Sir DarkWolf.

Please direct any questions/comments/additions to me at the address below.
(If you don't agree with something, tell me how to fix it.)

You can get the latest version of this FAQ by sending an email request to: 
Sir DarkWolf (drkwlf@wam.umd.edu) OR  Bonni Hall (bonni@prairienet.org).

Many thanks go to the following people who have helped with ideas/revisions:
  Bonni Hall: Net Guidelines and general editing
  Jester: The Tale of the Origins of the Infamous AKA
  Sir David: The Liberty Bell March (MP theme song) question & answer
  Big Furry Hamster: Information on FTPmail (part of ftp.help file)
  Dave Morning: Authoritative cause of death for Graham Chapman
  Andrew Bromage:  ASCII artwork

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
New in Version X.X----------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Version 1.2
            Added half of pretty little picture.
            Included information on the demise of Graham Chapman (8e) due to
              its frequency of occurrence on the group.  (hope it's not too
              morbid a topic for the FAQ)
            Updated section 2 so that it's clearer in conveying nettiquette
           
Version 1.12
            Re-wrote and expanded section 3.

Version 1.11 
            Updated the aka definition in section 7.

Version 1.1
            The section on FTP general help (9) was removed to its own 
              separate file.

Version 1.0
            There was nothing new here, this was the original, you twit.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Index-----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

1.  What is a FAQ and what does it stand for? (Or, FAQ you!)
2.  Where can I get  script/song/soundfile/picture?
3.  Monty Python Informational Files (FTP List, Pythonography, MP.faq, 
      Fan Clubs...)
4.  Why aren't the movie scripts posted to the newsgroup, and what is the
      "correct" procedure for distributing files to people?
5.  Can you give me some 'netiquette' guidelines for newbies/posting?
6.  What is all this non-Python related silliness on the newsgroup?
7.  What does aka stand for and why does everybody always use one?
8a. Where do I find answers to specific Monty Python related questions?
8b. What does the witch say when she is found to weigh the same as a duck?
8c. What do the knights who no longer say NI call themselves now?
8d. What is the theme music for the Flying Circus, and who wrote it?
8e. The Ex - Graham Chapman.
9.  What is FTP and how do I use it?
10. What about Newsgroup/Internet Terminology/Jargon?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---1.  What's a FAQ--------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition:
The letters FAQ stand for Frequently Asked Questions.  Around a.f.m-p 
though, it should really be FQA for Frequently Questioned Answers ;)  

------------

Explanation:
FAQs are used by the majority of Usenet newsgroups to cut down on the 
number of repeatedly redundant, and often asked, questions (which are 
best handled by the Department of Redundancy Department, really).  It makes 
sense that most new people joining a newsgroup will have very similar 
questions about that group.  Rather than have the older members of the group
answering the same exact questions several times a week every time someone 
new decides to join, a list of the most common questions and their answers 
is kept online.

The theory behind it is that (*hopefully*) every newcomer to the newsgroup 
will first check out the FAQ before posting anything.  That way they 
will learn the answers to frequent questions, as well as some general 
policies about posting that will keep them from making fools of themselves 
and annoying the older members.  Do not feel badly if you read the FAQ 
and still have questions regarding what the heck is going on.  Everybody who 
is in this newsgroup was new at one time or another.  If you have a question 
not covered by the FAQ you can email me or one of the others listed in 
the FAQ. You're sure to get an answer, and if your question is really 
good, it might even wind up in the next version of the FAQ!  You can also 
post the question to the newsgroup, where I'm sure somebody will have an 
answer for you.  But be warned.... If you post a question that is asked 
25,645.73 times a day, you will be flamed by some of the older members, or 
at least have barrels full of Spam thrown at you....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---2.  Locating Python Files-----------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The question probably heard most often on a.f.m-p is "where can I find 
such-and-such a file".  Usually they are referring to either one of the 
movie scripts, a flying circus episode script, or words to a song.  There 
are a couple ways you can obtain these files without prompting someone to 
post them to the newsgroup in general.  After all, if you do ask it be 
posted, you (1) may be sending a request to thousands of people who don't 
have the files, and don't care that you want them (2) may end up being 
responsible for flooding the newsgroup with replies by almost everyone on the 
group, and who knows what 76,000 copies of The Holy Grail would do to 
a poor unsuspecting innocent newsreader anyway (it would be just plain 
disgusting).

One more reliable way to get a specific text file is to email someone from 
the group and ask them if they have it and would mind sharing.  Many 
people from the group have their own Python library of words (either 
on-line, at home, or both).  I'm sure that emailing a request to someone 
from the group, or posting a brief article asking that a sketch/script be 
*E-MAILED* to you, will lead to results.  If all else fails, two address 
that are sure to get you some kind of response are DarkWolf's and Bonni's 
(DarkWolf keeps an online library, Bonni keeps the Monty Python FTP List).
Both of us are pretty good at helping out with this sort of thing.

If you are looking for something particularly obscure, or you just plain 
can't find a copy of what you're looking for, or you're too intimidated 
to ask a live person, you can always get these files from an FTP site 
yourself. (See section #9 for an explanation on using FTP)  Though, with 
an ftp script, accuracy is not guaranteed.  You are at the mercy of 
whoever translated the text to a computer file.  Most of the time you 
haven't got a clue as to what idiot typed in the version you're looking 
at, so be warned.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---3.  Monty Python Information---------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are many wonderful files written about Monty Python by past/current
living/dead followers of this newsgroup and alt.british.comedy.  They 
provide a wealth of information on just about all aspects of what Monty 
Python was, and what they did.  Everything from how the group got 
started, to the members' latest individual film projects, to where to find 
scripts of these films and shows on the internet.  The main files that I 
know about are listed below with a brief description, and who is 
responsible for the mess.  If you know of, or have written, any others 
not listed here, please let the general Pythonic public know about them 
so that we can all benefit from your ... ah ... erm ... wisdom?

And now, The MP informational archives...

Monty.Python.FAQ     written by  Simon Rooney and Brian Johnson
  A document ripe full of questions and answers about the fab sextet 
  themselves.  From The Meaning of Lines to The Life of John to The 
  Search for The Holy Albumn.  This covers short bio's on where the members 
  came from, show dates for the series, and all sorts of other silly nonsense.

Monty.Python.FTP     written by  Brian "He's a very naughty Boy" Johnson
  A HUGE compilation of known python-material carrying ftp sites 
  throughout the world.  If there is a Monty Python file located on the 
  internet anywhere, this file will tell you where to find it.  Absolutely 
  indespensible for those seeking to expand their on-line loony library.

Pythonography        written by  Andreas Trapp
  A study of all the works that Python put out in their career, as well 
  as going on to cover things that the pythonites did after their 3.5 
  seasons together.  From Flying Circus to Holy Grail to writting and 
  directing on their own, if a Python member had something to do with it, 
  this file has something to say about it.

Flying.Circus.Shows  written by  Sir DarkWolf
  A complete listing of everything the Python's did within the Flying 
  Circus Series.  Covering all four seasons, this file lists Show titles, 
  recording dates, TV transmission dates, as well as a complete listing of 
  sketches within each of the 45 shows.  If you want to know when a 
  sketch was first performed by Python, or the dates they were recorded on, 
  look nay further.

Monty Python Bibliography   written by Hans tenCate
  The most complete listing of Python published material anywhere.  Includes
  a very thorough index of audio/video/written thingies.  This list even
  surpasses those in published Python reference books.  You can get the
  latest version of this by emailing a request to htencate@futron.com

Fan.Clubs            written by  Alice Wilson
  If you have ever gotten the urge to loony it up with fellow pythonites 
  in your area but didn't know how to find them, this is the place to check 
  for a listing of Monty Python Fan Clubs.  It even gives you names and 
  address of people to contact for information for each of the clubs.


"Great" you say.  But, how do I actually get my grubby little paws on 
this knowledge?  Well, there are several ways of doing it...  You can "ftp" 
for the stuff from "cathouse.org" (If you don't know how to ftp, ask), or 
you can email a request for one of the files above (or a request for all of
them) to me (drkwlf@wam.umd.edu), as I keep them all online. Bonni 
(bonni@prairienet.org) has the FTP List and sends it out regularly.  If 
you can't handle either of those choices, post to the group (a.f.m-p).
  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---4.  Why can't I post long text files to a.f.m-p or other groups----------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, you want to post a HUGE file to alt.fan.monty-python, and that's 
just.... Well, it's not a very efficient use of the internet, is it? Don't 
feel badly, we were ALL new once, it's nothing to be ashamed of. However, here
is some advice on internet etiquette (netiquette) which will, hopefully, 
show you the error in your thinking, wot?

Now then, in regards to the posting of LONG scripts to the afm-p newsgroup...
 
There are MANY more suitable ways of distributing large text and/or 
binary files over the internet than by posting them to newsgroups.  Think 
for a minute what newsgroups do.  They make copies of whatever you post 
and distribute those copies to every site across the world that carries 
that newsgroup.  Note here that EVERY site gets its own INDIVIDUAL copy.  
So in essence you are not posting one article through the internet 
channels, you are really sending several THOUSAND copies all at the 
same time!  For short articles this is no big deal, but for longer text 
articles (not to mention multi-part binary posts) such as scripts of movies 
this is an INCREDIBLE waste of internet resources (known often as bandwidth). 

Also note here that not all of the sites to which these thousands of 
scripts are being sent even have people that follow the afm-p newsgroup.  
So in actuality these copies are being completely wasted and are needlessly 
sent out.  So, by sending these useless copies all over the world you are 
bogging down the internet channels which could be used for better, more 
constructive things.
 
There are also many sites where the subscribers have to PAY for their 
internet access (it's not always free).  Many of these pay sites also 
require that you pay a certain amount for newsgroup articles that you 
read in either connect time, or even in bytes of articles read.  If I 
happened to be on a "pay for newsgroup" site and already had copies of the 
movie scripts, I'd be VERY angry that someone wasted MY money by sending 
these large files out.  This one file, which I didn't even need to see, 
would cost me as much as 50 or so regular one page posts.

------------------- 

Other Alternatives:
As I said originally, there are many better ways of distributing this 
type of information throughout the net.  One example is ftp (probably 
where you got this stuff from in the first place).  Most people have 
access to ftp sites and can download the files themselves.  This way, 
there is only ONE copy of the file being transferred over internet 
channels for each person that really wants a copy.  This completely 
eliminates all of the wasted copies.  The second way to transfer this type 
of thing is via email.  Again, only one copy per person actually wanting the 
script is being sent.
 
If you still want to supply the a.f.m-p community with access to the 
Python files (there are several of us doing this already, and have 
been for some time) you can do one of several things.  First is to 
patiently wait until someone comes on the net and requests a specific 
file.  Then, you can either email him/her the file or point them to an 
ftp site.  Both of which are still one to one (one file to one person).  
Another way to supply people with files is to make a short list of what 
you are willing to give out and post this "index".  Then anybody wanting 
something from you can contact you individually.
 
The whole point here is the one to one concept.  One file being sent to 
one person is much more efficient.  The internet is a HUGE and very chaotic 
universe.  If there is not some sort of control and common sense shown by
the users of its resources, we would all soon be drowned out by the 
volume of 'noise' transferring around.  Just think what would happen if 
everybody with an internet account decided to post several thousand copies of 
a large script file each.  The net would be clogged up for a long time 
before it could manage to send all that information.

So please, either leave the distributing of scripts/binary files to those of 
us here who have been doing it for a while, or make an effort to keep the one 
to one ratio when sending things out. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------
---5.  Usenet Posting Guidelines-----------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A set of "guidelines" as it were.
Alright, read on.

RULE NUMBER ONE: Please keep the long cascades to a minimum, and delete
the stuff you're not using for your own witty reply.  Some people have
slower modems than others, and scanning through gobs of irrelevant stuff 
isn't that fun at 2400 baud.... Also, some people have to pay for their 
online time.

RULE NUMBER TWO: Lots of people post here asking for actual Monty Python
skits, songs, scripts, whatever.  They may not post in as humorous or
silly a way as the VERY silly people would like, but that is *no* reason
to be rude.  Be polite, be friendly, and be helpful, if you can.  But
don't blow them up because they aren't funny enough, or RUDELY tell them
that they ought to go to such-and-such FTP site.  We *are* a friendly,
generally amusing, mostly intelligent bunch of folks.  We really ought
to act that way, especially to persons who so desperately need our wisdom
and guidance.

RULE NUMBER THREE: There is no rule number three!

RULE NUMBER FOUR: When in doubt as to whether or not to actually *post*
it, perhaps it might be better to mail it.  That way, you can talk about
others behind their backs (best place *to* talk about them, I say!) or
make all sorts of rude sexual comments, and not offend anyone (except,
perhaps, the person you are mailing....hmmmm....).  Certainly, a fair 
amount of clever repartee is expected here (we are all such brilliant wits,
after all), but *really* personal stuff might be best kept private....
Also, if what you intend to say applies to a only few gits on the group, 
email them instead of posting it, so the rest of us don't have to read 
through irrelavent garbage.

RULE NUMBER FIVE: Flames are hurtful and unkind, and have *no* place in
this newsgroup.  There is a difference, too, between the silly, joshing-
about sort of flames we all do and the really nasty stuff.  Personal, direct
insults are RIGHT OUT!  The last Flame War was truly appalling.  Let's not
EVER repeat that.  If someone is rude, IGNORE him/her.  Do not send ANY
mail to that person (unless it is polite), do not flame in return, do not
lampoon or parody that person.  In short: DO NOT FEED THE FLAMES.  If we
*all* go by this, those people who would be nasty will eventually either
stop being nasty or they will go away.  Either way, it's a LOT better than
any more wars, yes? (Definition of 'flame' for newbies: Rude, cruel, 
nasty, or otherwise insulting posts/email, directed at the PERSON rather 
than at his/her opinions).

RULE NUMBER SIX: Enjoy yourselves!!  Monty Python's Flying Circus is/was
a wonderful phenomenon, and every one of us knows that.  We *should* have
fun, but still be in control, and exercise a bit of moderation in certain
areas.  However, silliness and clever wit was the very substance of Python.
Therefore, it *does* belong in this group.  Even outsiders, who post here
only once to request a particular song, should be able to read our many
posts and get a chuckle out of it (or, if we are *really* good, a GUFFAW!).

NOW, TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO POST HERE ON OCCASION (you have been mentioned
several times here, after all): Please feel free to ask whatever you like
about this group or Monty Python.  Don't be ashamed or afraid.  There are
*many* of us here who are virtual fountains of knowledge....  And we don't
bite... most of us don't, actually... well, perhaps a *few* of us do 
bite... but not that hard.  Really, though, this group is comprised of 
lots of highly intelligent, very well-informed people, and just about ANY 
question you have (relating to MP, anyway) should find an answer from at 
least *one* person here... though there *may* be a bit of joshing about 
before you *get* the answer you want *chuckle*.  And from us regular 
posters: WELCOME!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
---6.  Silliness--------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
First off, lets face it, Monty Python was a bunch of VERY silly/wacky/loony
people.  To have a newsgroup for their fans and expect it to be even remotely 
serious is unthinkable.  

So why all this silly stuff which seems to have absolutely nothing to do with 
Monty Python?  Well, think a bit about what a newsgroup environment is like.
The newsgroups are really more discussion oriented than news oriented, 
they should really be referred to as discussion groups.  They are set up so 
that many users can add opinions, talk together, and generally share 
information about a particular subject.  Also understand that there are people
on this one newsgroup who have been following it for literally YEARS.  How 
many times do you think it takes of quoting the  sketch, 
word for word, before it starts to get rather dull and boring.  I realize that
MP, by their very nature, are not dull and boring, so don't get defensive on 
me, but if all we did here was to quote lines from them back and forth to 
each other, we'd be endlessly saying the same stuff over, and over, and over, 
and over, and over, and over.... (again, an activity best left to the 
Department of Redundancy Department, wot?)

Also note that this comedy group is no longer doing any new material, 
which is what a lot of the alt.fan.* groups spend all their time discussing.  
We have sorta "bent" the rule in newsgroups on always following the stated 
subject of the group, to make a.f.m-p better suited to more interesting 
discussions.

-----------------
 The Tale of the Dreaded FLAME WAR!

 Once upon a time here, there was a pretty heated flame war between the 
 two sides of alt.fan.* philosophies.  I don't want to get into the 
 history of this newsgroup much, because it's... well... it's history, but...
 There were two sides, as I said: the strictly serious discussion people 
 versus the wacky humor people.  The serious people said that the group's 
 name was a.f.monty-python and that by definition of the group, the only 
 thing which should be discussed here was Python.  They felt that the 
 general silliness which had no direct link to the material of Monty 
 Python had absolutely no place in the newsgroup.  The wacky humor people 
 said that they were tired of ONLY talking about a group whose material 
 had been discussed here time and time again.  They wanted to talk about 
 new stuff, to keep the group interesting.  The problem is that the 
 original wackiness got out of hand and turned into a free for all joke 
 fest, where not many of the posts even had a Pythonesque tribute to 
 them.  The people who subscribed to the group could not find anything even 
 remotely related to Python.  What was decided upon was that there should 
 be a compromise made.  That the original, Python based humor would be 
 allowed, but that it should be exactly that... PYTHON-BASED.  If you come 
 up with some witty, wacky, truly funny story or joke, but it has 
 absolutely nothing to with Monty Python and isn't even derived from their 
 ideas, then this is not the place for it, go to rec.humor.
-----------------

Basically what we try to do here is to create our own humor in tribute to 
Monty Python.  The posters attempt to build off of MP's ideas and invent 
original material in a Pythonesque vein.  That is not to say that we 
never discuss Monty Python directly, we often do, it's just that we would 
get rather tired of ONLY discussing a group that no longer puts anything 
new out.

As a newbie, you may want to just keep an eye out for what type of 
original parodies/humor are being posted for a while before you jump in 
and post your own ideas.  Then again, you are also perfectly free to 
start right off with all kinds of zany looniness.  Just be prepared for 
plenty of responses to it (good or bad, most of the time both).

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---7.  AKA aka "Also Known As"---------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition:
The letters AKA stand for Also Known As.  It sorta means the same 
thing as an alias. We often use it in a way similar to a postscript, as a 
final witty comment, as it were.  Yes it's silly, and it's true that it has 
nothing to do with what aka really means.  But, you should come to expect 
the unexpected, ludicrous, looney, stupid, non-sensical, etc... when dealing 
with anything related to MP.  It's a tradition that's been proudly carried on 
almost since the beginning of afm-p.  Most people choose to use one, but it's 
not required (encouraged, certainly, but NOT a requirement).

----------------

Explanation:
The aka's began in the deep autumnal evenings of 1991 when Jos the almighty 
first uttered the aka. Slowly, and mercilessly, Jester propagated the aka to 
death (100 consecutive posts in 1 hour) to the point of almost banishment, 
but by that time, most people on the newsgroup were aka-ing madly, and it 
continues to this day, a legacy of Jos's insane stupidity, and Jester's 
uncanny ability to propagate totally useless bullsh*t across the net.

[cut to stock film of women's institute applauding]
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---8a. Monty Python Questions----------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is not really a FAQ list devoted to Monty Python specific questions, 
it's more a FAQ list for the fan newsgroup.  The difference is that the 
Monty Python FAQ is for questions like, who are Monty Python, what movies 
have they made, who directed them, what does a certain quote mean, ect.  The 
newsgroup FAQ is for questions about posting, and what goes on within the 
internet.  To find the answers to Monty Python questions, you need to consult 
the file monty.python.faq, written by Simon Rooney and Brian Johnson. 

----------------------

Now that I have said I will not answer Python questions, I will break my 
own rule and answer a question here. What did the witch say. And also, 
what's the theme music... oh, that's two. Allright, TWO questions. Witch 
quote, theme music, and what do the Knights of Ni say when... Oh, bugger! 
I'll come in again....

Now that I have said I will not answer Python questions, I will break my 
own rule and answer some (I didn't expect the Spanish Inquistion!). The 
reason for this is these questions are asked so many times on the newsgroup 
that it's not even funny.  These two questions are the best examples for a 
FAQ's existence that I have ever seen.  Whenever we get a big group of newbies
on the net at once, (i.e. beginning of college semesters), this one question 
is generally asked at least every day by somebody or other for weeks. (no 
joke!)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---8b. Witch Quote---------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q1:  What does the witch say in the Holy Grail when she is found to weigh 
     the same as a duck, and therefore, found to be a witch?

A:   She says "It's a fair cop".

Q2:  What does "It's a fair cop" mean?

A:   The phrase is thieves' cant for "you've got me dead to rights" which 
     means that there has been no entrapment and the person was fairly 
     caught in the act.  The line has also been used in a few other Flying 
     Circus sketches like "Dead Bishop on the Landing / The Church Police" and 
     "Whizzo Chocolates."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---8c. Knights who no longer say NI---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q1:  What do the knights who no longer say NI now call themselves?

A:   They are the knights who say 
     "ecky ecky ecky ecky pi'kang zoop boing ".

Q2:  Why does everyone have a different version/spelling of the above quote?

A:   What was said on screen during the filming was completely different 
     from what was written down on the screenplay.  I guess it was a 
     spontaneous ad-lib or something.  What is quoted in the net file 
     scripts of the movies is a phonetic approximation of what was said.  
     Since it really is just nonsense, you can spell it any way you like.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---8d. Flying Circus Theme Music-------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q:   What is the theme music for Monty Python's Flying Circus?

A:   The Liberty Bell March by John Philip Sousa.

Q2:  Which band made the recording used for the series?

A2:  The Coldstream Guards.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---8e. What's the truth behind all those rumors about Graham Chapman-------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q1:  Was Graham Chapman homosexual?  (I apologize if I didn't phrase this in
                                      the current politically correct 
                                      terminology, what ever that may be.)

A1:  Yes.

Q2:  Was Chapman an alcoholic?

A2:  Definitely yes.  At his peak he was reportedly consuming two quarts 
     of gin a day.

Q3:  When did Graham Chapman die?
     
A3:  He died on October 4, 1989.  Just one day before Monty Python's 20th
     anniversary.  As Kim Johnson said "Somehow I think Heaven has become
     a slightly sillier place."

Q4:  (and now the biggie)
     What did Chapman die of?

A4:  Graham Chapman died of cancer.
     The rumors of him contracting AIDS are completely false.  It must come 
     from that infamous (and yet utterly stupid) correlation that 
     homosexuality = AIDS.  
     About 5 years ago, when this group first started up there was a long 
     and tedious debate based on the theory Homosexual + Dead = AIDS (I see
     nothing much has changed on that front).  There were one or two people
     insistant that he did indeed die of AIDS, so someone in London went to
     the public records office, checked in the Registrar of Births, Deaths
     and Marriages, pulled out a copy of Graham Chapman's death 
     certificate and posted it.  (The point is, this comes from a valid 
     source)  The primary cause of death was cancer of the larynx 
     (throat) with secondary cancers elsewhere, including the liver.
     Cancer of the liver is quite common (and fatal) but it is usually a 
     sign of cancer elsewhere, the liver gets affected only in the final
     stages.  Liver failure will eventually kill you if pneumonia doesn't
     get you first.  
     Death certificates in the UK are required by law to state both the
     primary and secondary causes of death - in the case of Graham, he 
     died of pneumonia as a result of cancer of the larynx which had 
     spread to many other sites, including the liver.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---9.  Using FTP-----------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This topic has been removed from the faq, and transfered to its own 
file, due to the excessive length.

If you need general help as a first time FTP user.  You can either post 
requests for help to the newsgroup, or ask me for the "ftphelp" file.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
10.  Terminology------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some basic terms and their meanings commonly used in association with 
newsgroups in general, if you don't understand these, you won't ever 
figure out what people are talking about on the net.

FTP:     File Transfer Protocol  (lets you connect to other computers on the 
         internet for sending/retrieving files.  See section #9.)

FAQ:     Frequently Asked Questions  (See section #1.)

Gopher:  Another file transfer system somewhat similar to FTP.

Unix      \   Several different styles of
VAX/VMS    >  operating systems/environments for the internet.
X Windows /   (sort of like DOS,Windows,OS/2,ect. for Ibm PCs)

Telnet:  Acts as an intermediary so that you can connect and login to a 
         remote computer, across the hall or across the world.

Finger:  A feature on many internet operating systems that lets you find out
         information about any user on the internet.  (Will display 
         some of the following information about a person; their userid, 
         their full name, whether they're logged on, when they last logged on,
         if they have unread mail, a phone number, an office location, ect.)

Usenet:  The term applies to the collection of newsgroups or discussion 
         groups.  Currently numbers over 5,000 different groups.

Archie:  A server you can connect to that will search ftp databases for a
         specific file name pattern and tell you what sites carry files that 
         match the search pattern.

RTFM:    Read The F****** Manual.  An FTP site (rtfm.mit.edu) which carries 
         FAQs for many newsgroups that you can download and read. 

Flame:   A post or email which is rude, cruel, nasty, or intentionally 
         insulting.  These are usually directed at the PERSON rather than 
         their opinions, and are extremely childish.  Its best to just 
         ignore them. Another definition is: to speak incessantly and/or 
	 rabidly on some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently 
	 ridiculous attitude.  
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now for something completely different..... 

Sir DarkWolf aka I didn't want to be a FAQ maintainer, 
                 I wanted to be...a Lumberjack!

-- 
          ********Grand Master of the Cavalry for a.f.m-p********
          *      Sir DarkWolf       *    The dirty grey knight  *
          *   drkwlf@wam.umd.edu    *    with blue speckles.    *
          ************www.froth.com - Homebrewer's Heaven********