*** Sermon on the Mount
*** from Monty Python's  "Life of Brian"
*** transcribed from the photonovel 2/11/88  Daniel Rich 

Jesus:  How blest are the sorrowful, for they shall find consolation.
    How blest are those of gentle spirit.  They shall have the earth
    for their possession.  How blest are those who hunger and thirst
    to see right prevail.  They shall be satisifed. . .

(Camera pulls back to the back of the multitude)

Mandy: Speak up!
Brian: Mum! Sh!
M:  Well, I can't hear a thing!  Let's go to the stoning.
Big Nose:  Sh!
B:  You can go to a stoning any time.
M:  Oh, come on Brian!
BN: Will you be quiet?
Wife: Don't pick your nose.
BN: I wasn't picking my nose...I was scratching.
W:  You were picking it while you were talking to that lady.
BN: I wasn't.
W:  Leave it alone...give it a rest...
Mr. Cheeky:  Do you mind...I can't hear a word he's saying.
W:  Don't you "do you mind" me...I'm talking to my husband.
C:  Well go and talk to him somewhere else!  I can't hear a bloody thing!
BN: Don't you swear at my wife.
C:  I was only asking her to shut up so we can hear what he's saying,
     big nose.
W:  Don't you call my husband "big nose."
C:  Well, he has got a big nose.
Gregory:  Could you be quiet, please? (to Mr. Cheeky) What was that?
C:  I don't know...I was too busy talking to big nose.

(Cultured jew turns around...)

Man: I think it was "Blessed are the Cheesemakers."
Mrs.Gregory:  What's so special about the cheesemakers?
G:  It's not meant to be taken literally.  Obviously it refers to any
     manufacturers of dairy products.
C:  (to Big Nose) See--if you hadn't been going on, you'd have heard
     that, Big Nose.
BN: Hey, if you say that once more, I'll smash your bloody face in.
C:  Better keep listening...might be a bit about "Blessed are the big noses."
B:  Oh lay off him.
C:  (rounding on Brian) You're not so bad yourself, Conkface.  Where
     are you two from?  Nose City?
BN: Listen! I said one more time...mate and I'll take you to the
     fucking cleaners.
W:  Language!  And don't pick your nose!
BN: I wasn't goint to pick my nose.  I was going to thump him.
Another Person:  I think it was "Blessed are the Greek."
G:  THE Greek?
AP: Apparently he's going to inherit the earth.
G:  Did anyone catch his name?
BN: I'll thump him if he calls me Big Nose again.
C:  Oh shut up, Big Nose.
BN: Oooh!  Right I warned you...I really will slug you so hard...
W:  Oh it's the Meek...Blessed are the meek!  That's nice, I'm glad
     they're getting something 'cos they have a hell of a time.
C:  Listen...I'm only telling the truth...you have got a very big nose.
BN: (trying to control himself) Your nose is going to be three foot
     wide across your face when I've finished with you.
C:  Who hit yours then?  Goliath's big brother?
BN: Oooh...oohh...aargh...ah (supreme self control) That's your last
     warning...
Mrs. Gregory:  Oh do pipe d...

(Big Nose punches Mrs. Gregory, and a general scuffle breaks out)

BN: Silly bitch, getting in the way.
M:  Brian!  Come on, let's go to the stoning.
B:  Alright.