*** Spam
*** from The Final Rip Off
*** transcribed from tape 3/30/88  Daniel Rich 

Man: Morning.
Waitress: Morning.
M: Well, what you got?
W: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam;
    egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon,
    sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam,
    sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam; spam, spam,
    spam, egg and spam; (vikings start singing in background) spam, spam,
    spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
Vikings: Spam, spam , spam, spam, lovely spam, lovely spam.
W (cont): or lobster thermador ecrovets with a bournaise sause, served
    in the purple salm manor with chalots and overshies, garnashed with
    truffle pate, brandy, a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam.  That's not got
much spam in it.
Wi: I don't want any spam!
M: Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?
Wi: That's got spam in it.
M: It hasn't got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage and spam has it?
Wi: (over vikings starting again) Could you do me egg, bacon, spam and
    sausage without the spam then?
Wa: Ech!
Wi: What do you mean ech!  I don't like spam!
V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam....etc
Wa: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!  Bloody vikings.  You can't have egg, bacon
    spam and sausage without the spam.
Wi: I don't like spam!
M: Sh dear, don't cause a fuss.  I'll have your spam.  I love it.  I'm
having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam,
spam, spam and spam. (starts vikings off again)
V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc
Wa: Shut up!  Baked beans are off.
M: Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans?
Wa: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam, spam, and spam?
V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc...spam, spam, spam! (in harmony)

(See SpamSong)