***	The stoning scene from Monty Pythons Life Of Brian.
***	Transcribed from the film by Dr.Doom / Amega Industries


Mother:		Oh, I hate wearing these beards!
Brian:		Why aren't women allowed to go to the stoning, Mam?
Mother:		It's written, thats why.

Salesman:	Psst Beard, madam?
Women:		Oh, look I haven't got time to go to no stonin's.
		He's not well again. (Refearing to the donkey)
Donkey:		Oink Oink

Salesman:	Stones sir?
Mother:		Nooo, they got them up there, lying around on the ground.
Salesman:	Ohh, not like these sir, look at these, feel the quality
		of that, that's craftmansship sir.
Mother:		Uhm, alright we'll have two with points and a big flat one.
Brian:		Can I have a flat one, mam?
Mother:		Shhhh!
Brian:		Sorry, Dad.
Mother:		Ehh, alright. Two points, two flats and a packet of gravel.
Salesman:	Packet of gravel. Should be good one this afternoon.
Mother:		Hee?
Salesman:	Local boy.
Mother:		Oh good!
Salesman:	Enjoy yourselves.

Priest:		Matthias, son of Deuteronomium.
Matthias:	Shall I say yes?
Guard:		Yes
Matthias:	Yes
Priest:		You have been found guilty by the elders of the town, of
		uttering the name of our lord and so as a BLASPHEMER!
Crowd:		Oooh
Priest:		You are to be stoned to death!
Matthias:	Look, I had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife
		was: That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehova.
Crowd:		OOOhh!
Priest:		BLASPHEMY! He said it again
Crowd:		Yes! Yes! Yes!
Priest:		Did you hear him?
Crowd:		Yes! Yes! Yes!
Woman:		Kill him!
Priest:		(Waits) Are there any women here today?
Crowd:		(Looking down and shakes their heads)
Priest:		Very well. By virtue of the authority, vestrinity.
		(A woman throws a stone, hitting Matthias on the head)
Matthias:	Aooou! Lay it off, we haven't started yet!
Priest:		Come on, who threw that. Who threw that stone! Come on.
Crowd:		(Sharp voices) She did, she, she!
		(Dark voices) He, he he did!
Woman:		(Changing from sharp to dark voice) Sorry, I thought we'd
		started!
Priest:		Go to the back!
Woman:		Ok
Priest:		Always when one isn't there.
		Now, where were we?
Matthias:	Look, I dont think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying
		Jehova?
Crowd:		(Shouting and crying)
Priest:		You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias:	Making it worse, how could it be worse?
		Jehova, Jehova, Jehova!
Crowd:		(Shouting and crying)
Priest:		I'm warning you, If you say Jehova once more...
		(A woman throw a stone at him)
		Right!	Who threw that? Come on, who threw that?
Crowd:		(Sharp voices) She, she, she!
		(Dark voices) Him, him him!
Priest:		Was it you?
Woman:		Yes!
Priest:		Right...
Woman:		Well, you did say Jehova.
Crowd:		(Shouting, crying and stoning the woman)
Priest:		STOP, WILL YOU! STOP THAT! Stop it.
		Now look! No one, is to stone anyone, until I blow this
		whistle. Do you understand? Even, and want this to be
		absolutely clear. Even if they do say Jehova.
Crowd:		(Stones the priest and buries him under a big boulder)
Woman:		Good shot.