*** TEST YOUR PYTHON QUOTIENT
*** Transcribed from the book "The first 20X years of Monty Python.
*** By Amund Nedland
1. How did Mrs. G. Pinnet have to sign for her new gas cooker?
2. Why does the Minister of Silly Walks arrive at his office late?
3. What is the annual budget for the Ministry of Silly Walks?
4. What was the Piranha Brothers' prison sentence?
5. What was the occupation of Arthur Piranha, Doug and Dinsdale's father?
6. What happened the week Dinsdale did not nail Vince Snetterton Lewis's head
to the floor?
7. For which surveillance role was Harry "Snapper" Organs of "Q" Division
panned by critics?
8. What was the the name of the giant hedgehog that followed the Pirahna
Brothers?
9. How large was the hedgehog?
10. What is pneumoconiosis?
11. In the Disgusting Objects International at Wembley, how did England defeat
Spain?
12. What did the Chairman of the Board of Irresponsible People feed to his
Goldfish?
13. True or false: Goldfish are quite happy eating breadcrumbs, ants, eggs, and
the occational pheasant.
14. "Still no sign of land. How long is it?"
15. What three ways does the undertaker initially recommend to deal with stiffs?
16. What is the name of the man who has a "fifty-percent bonus in the region of
what you said"?
17. What is the song attempted by Arthur Ewing and His Musical Mice?
18. What would members of the stock exchange do about the "Mouse Problem"?
19. What is the name of that most dangerous of animals, the clever sheep?
20. What are the only four phrases spoken by Jimmy Buzzard?
21. Why is Mr.Howard Stools particularly interesting?
22. What is the name of the flying cat that lands in a bucket of water (When
she is flung)?
23. Don't you ever take the bones out?
24. What play did Leatherhead Rep do with the Redfoot Indian tribe.
25. Which two stars did Irving C. Saltzberg plan to star in his next film.
26. Why does the llama have a beak?
27. What does R. J. Gumby croon while hitting himself in the head with bricks?
28. What does the barber drink before cutting Terry Jones' hair?
29. Which Python is featured in the Stop the Film segment on "Blackmail"?
30. How many things did the Australasian branch of the Society for Putting
Things on Top of Other Things put on top of things last year?
31. Name two methods for waking Ken Clean-Air System.
32. Which of his films does director Ellis Dibley call a "real failure"?
33. How many votes did Kevin Phillips Bong (the Slightly Silly candidate at
Luton) recive?
34. "Do like all smart motorists - choose _________."
35. What is Archbishop Shabby doing for peace?
36. What is the first lesson in not beeing seen? The Second?
37. Coventry City last won the F.A. Cup in what year?
38. The other works of art voted unanimously to support the strike by the
paintings in the National Gallery. Which work abstained from voting?
39. What tool does Mr. Gumby use in flower arranging?
40. The "Black Eagle" was based on what novel?
41. What was the official slogan of the British Army?
42. What does the smuggler claim his watches are?
43. What is in the brown paper bag planted by Police Constable Henry Thatcher?
44. What is the secret of Charles Fatless?
45. What are the five weapons of the Spanish Inquisition?
46. What does the Gumby Brain Specialist want done to his patient?
47. What joke did Hitler come up with to challenge the Allied Killer Joke?
48. Who is high scorer in "Mozart's Famous Deaths"?
49. What is Whizzo Butter compared to in a TV commercial?
50. Who serves as a character witness for Harold Larch?
How does inspector Dim trip him up?
51. What would Dim like to be (if he were not in the CID)?
And Bartlett?
52. Where are the numbers on a camel?
53. Why would men turn into Scotsmen?
54. In separate shows, which members of the group played Dracula and
Frankenstein's monster?
55. Why was the Norwegian Blue sitting on its perch in the first place?
56. What does the bandit steal from the lingerie shop?
57. What program follows "It's a Tree" at 9:30?
58. What is the ideal job for Mr. Anchovy?
59. What are Mr. Anchovy's qualifications for lion taming?
60. What does Cardinal Richelieu perform on "Historical Impersonations"?
61. What message do the police get on their Ouija board?
62. What does the courteous hijacker call out as he is pushed from the jet?
63. What kind of car insurance policy does the vicar have?
64. What is the main food that penguins eat?
65. Who sings a Jimmy Durante song?
66. What is the name of Rev. Arthur Belling's church?
67. How did Roy Spim lose his left arm?
68. What did Kemal Ataturk name his entire menagerie?
69. What was the first scene shot in "Scott of the Antarctic"?
70. What did the crew in "Scott of the Antarctic" use for snow?
71. What is Michael Norman Randall's sentence for the murder of twenty people?
72. How do you put budgies down, according to the book?
73. What do Mrs Premise and Mrs Conclusion sing while phoning Jean Paul Sartre?
74. Who is featured on "Farming club"?
75. What was Brian Norris's first book?
76. What was the result of treating athlete's foot with explosives?
77. What is the jugged fish?
78. The church police conclude their arrest with what hymn?
79. What is Anne Elk's theory of the brontosaurus?
80. What does the Fire Brigade request to drink (in unison)?
81. What was Biggles writing thank-you letters to royalty for?
82. What do the men from the lifeboat order with their tea?
83. What is the name of the man who owns the Cheese shop?
84. Why did Reg Pither crash his bicycle?
85. What does Eartha Kitt sing to the Central Committee?
86. The poster for Moscow Praesidium advertises Eartha Kitt, Burgess and
Maclean, Marshall Bulganin and "Charlie," and who else?
87. Where is the bomb (for a pound)?
88. Which two countries are in the finale of the Olympic Hide and Seek?
89. Where does Don Roberts hide?
90. Who is the author of "Gay Boys in Bondage"?
91. What is Dennis Moore's horse's name?
92. Which two shows feature animation that parodies 2001?
Answers
1. Since the invoice was made out to Mrs. G. Crump, she was requested to sign
it "Mrs. Crump-Pinnet."
2. "My walk has become rather silly recently."
3. Three hundred and forty-eight million pounds a year.
4. Four hundred years' imprisonment for crimes of violence.
5. He was a scrap metal dealer and TV quizmaster (he married Kitty Malone, an
up-and-coming East End boxer).
6. Dinsdale screwed his pelvis to a cake stand instead.
7. Sancho Panza in Man of La Mancha.
8. Spiny Norman plagued Dinsdale.
9. He ranged anywhere from twelve feet to eight hundred yards.
10. A disease miners get.
11. A plate of braised pus bested a putrid herring.
12. Cold consummè, sausages, greens, potatoes, bread, gravy, etc.
13. True (According to the Board of Irresponsible People).
14. Thirty-three days (a rather personal question).
15. Burning, burying or dumping (In the Thames).
16. Arthur ("Is that chair comfortable") Frampton.
17. The twenty-three white mice played "The Bells of St.Mary's."
18. Suck their brains out with a straw, sell the widows and orphans, and go into
South-African zinc.
19. Harold
20. (1) Good evening, Brian;
(2) I'm opening a boutique;
(3) I hit the ball first time, and there it was in the back of the net.
(4) I've fallen of my chair, Brian.
21. He is only half an inch tall.
22. Tibbles.
23. If we took the bones out, it [the frog] wouldn't be crunchy.
24. Dial "M" for Murder.
25. Doris Day and Rock Hudson.
26. For eating honey.
27. "It's Only Make Believe."
28. Red Eye.
29. Terry Jones.
30. Twenty-two.
31. Drive a steel peg into his skull with a mallet, or (when in a deep sleep),
saw his head off.
32. Finian's Rainbow("Ten seconds of solid boredom").
33. None.
34. Crelm Toothpaste.
35. Raising polecats.
36. (1) Not to stand up.
(2) Not to choose a very obvious piece of cover.
37. This is a trick question. Coventry City have never won the F.A. Cup.
38. Venus de Milo (She didn't raise her hands).
39. A large wooden mallet.
40. The Blue Eagle.
41. "It's a Man's (Dog's) (Pig's) Life in the Modern Army."
42. Vests.
43. Sandwiches.
44. Dynamo Tension.
45. Fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the
pope, and nice red uniforms.
46. He wants bits of Mr.Gumby's brain taken out.
47. "My dog's got no nose." "How does he smell?" "Awful!"
48. St.Stephen
49. A dead crab.
50. Cardinal Richelieu; he reveals that the Cardinal died in 1642, and that he
is actually Ron Higgins, an impersonator.
51. A window cleaner; An engine driver.
52. On the side of the engine, above the piston box.
53. Only because they have no control over their destinies.
54. Graham Chapman played Dracula in "Oh, You're No Fun Anymore," and John
Cleese played Frankenstein's monster in "The Dull Life of a City
Stockbroker."
55. It had been nailed there.
56. A pair of knickers.
57. "Yes, It's the Sewage Farm Attendant," in which Dan falls into a vat of
human dung, with hilarious consequences.
58. Chartered accountancy.
59. He has a lion-taming hat.
60. Petula Clark's "Don't Sleep in the Subway."
61. Up yours.
62. Thank you...
63. A "never-pay" policy.
64. Reginald Maulding is close enough; pork lunch and meat, Spam, themselves,
horses, armchairs, pepperoni, lasagna, lobster thermidor, Brian Close,
Henri Bergson, and a buffalo with an aqualung are all wrong.
65. Beethoven's mynah bird sings "I'm the Guy Who Found the Lost Chord."
66. St. Looney Up the Cream Bun and Jam.
67. In a battle with an ant.
68. Abdul
69. Scene 1.
70. Twenty-eight thousand feet of Wintrex, a new, white foam rubber, plus
sixteen thousand cubic U.S. furlongs of white paint with a special snow
finish.
71. Six months, suspended.
72. Either hit them with the book, or shoot them just above the beak (although
Mrs. Essence flushed hers down the loo).
73. "The girl from Ipanema."
74. Tchaikovsky.
75. A Short History of Motor Traffic Between Esher and Purley.
76. Eighty-four dead, sixty-five severly wounded, twelve missing and believed
lost.
77. Halibut.
78. "Jerusalem."
79. All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle,
and then thin again at the far end.
80. A drop of sherry.
81. Eels.
82. Two dozen fruitcaces and ten macaroons.
83. Henry Wensleydale.
84. His pump got caught in his trouser leg (badly crushing his sandwiches).
85. "Old-Fashioned Girl."
86. Peter Cook and Dudley Moore (Leningrad has never laughed so much).
87. The luggage compartment.
88. Paraguay and Britain.
89. A castle in Sardinia.
90. Shakespeare.
91. Concorde.
92. "A Book at Bedtime" (in which a bone becomes a space ship and falls on a
caveman), and "Spam" (the titles to World Forum/Communist Quiz).