Baldrick, you wouldn't recognise a cunning plan if it painted
itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing
'Cunning plans are here again'.
Ebenezer Blackadder when Baldrick has 'a cunning plan' in
'Blackadder's Christmas Carol'
[Image]
I fear the words 'I have a cunning plan' are rapidly marching
towards this conversation with ill-deserved confidence.
Blackadder to Baldrick, about to say . . . , in 'Blackadder's
Christmas Carol'
[Image]
CORK IT, FATSO!
Blackadder interrupting the English Queen, in 'Blackadder's
Christmas Carol'
[Image]
Your brain, for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry
cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough inside
to cover a small water biscuit.
Captain Edmund Blackadder in 'Blackadder goes Forth'
[Image]
I, on the other hand, am a fully-rounded human being, with a
degree from the University of Life, a diploma from the School of
Hard Knocks, and three gold stars from the Kindergarten of Getting
the Shit Kicked Out of Me.
Captain Edmund Blackadder commenting on University education in
'Blackadder goes Forth'
[Image]
This is going to be art's greatest moment since Mona Lisa sat down
& told Leonardo da Vinci she was in a slightly odd mood.
Captain Edmund Blackadder in 'Blackadder goes Forth'
[Image]
Here lies Edmund Blackadder, and he's bloody annoyed.
Captain Edmund Blackadder describing his headstone in 'Blackadder
goes Forth'
[Image]
Corporale Perkins: I must say, Captain, I've got to admire your
balls.
Captain Blackadder: Perhaps later.
[Image]
A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, chief of
all the Vikings, accidentally ordered eighty thousand battle
helmets with the horns on the inside.
Captain Edmund Blackadder commenting on the British war effort in
WW I, in 'Blackadder goes Forth'
[Image]
Lord Flashheart: "You should treat your aircraft like you treat
your woman.
Captain Blackadder: "So you should take your plane out to dinner
and a movie?
Lord Flashheart: "No, get in her 5 times a day and take her to
heaven and back!
[Image]
We've shot off over a million shells and what's the result? One
dachshund with a slight limp.
Captain Edmund Blackadder in 'Blackadder goes Forth'
[Image]
We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which
millions of men have died, and we've advanced no further than an
asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping
Captain Edmund Blackadder commenting on the progress in the
trenches, in 'Blackadder goes Forth'
[Image]
Edmund Blackadder: "History, here I come!"
Blackadder I
[Image]
[Image] Archbischop Blackadder: Tell me, Brother Baldrick, what exactly
did God do to the Sodomites?
Baldrick: I dunno, but I can't imagine it was worse than what they
used to do to each other.
[Image]
Edmund Blackadder: Percy, have you ever wondered what your insides
looked like?
Percy: Sometimes My Lord, yes.
Edmund Blackadder: Then I have the means here to satisfy your
curiosity.
[Image]
Baldrick: Lord Melchett is very ill. Apparently he's at death's
door.
Edmund Blackadder: Ahh, well, then, my faithful reinstated family
retainer, let's go open it for him, shall we?
[Image]
Lord Melchett: Lord Blackadder. Our foremost cartographers have
given us a map of the area you'll be traversing.
Edmund Blackadder: But it's blank!
Lord Melchett: Yes, they'd like you to fill it in as you go.
[Image]
Edmund Blackadder: Baldrick, I advise you to make the explanation
you are about to give phenomenally good.
Baldrick: You said, 'Get the door'.
Edmund Blackadder: Not good enough. You're fired.
Baldrick: But my lord, I've been in your family since 1532!
Edmund Blackadder: So has syphilis. Now get out!
After Baldrick walked in with the door in his hands
[Image]
Edmund BlackAdder: Well, you could appoint him a high-court judge.
Prince George: Is he qualified?
Edmund BlackAdder: He's a violent, bigoted, mindless old fool.
Prince George: Sounds a bit overqualified.
[Image]
Edmund BlackAdder: Well, we in the Adder Party will win this
election on issues, not personalities.
Vincent Hanna : Why is that?
Edmund BlackAdder: Because our candidate doesn't have a
personality.
[Image]
I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it
a weasel.
Edmund Blackadder with a really cunning plan, in Blackadder III
[Image]
Edmund BlackAdder: I believe, sir, that the doctor is trying to
tell you that he is happy because he has finished his book. It has
apparently taken him ten years.
Prince George : Yes. Well, I'm a slow reader myself.
[Image]
Prince George: What I can't understand is why anyone would want to
kill you, Blackadder.
Edmund Blackadder: I rather think that is was you they after, your
Highness.
Prince George: What makes you say that?
Edmund Blackadder: Well, the words 'Death to the stupid prince'
first brought it to my attention
[Image]
She is famous for having the worst personality in Germany. And as
you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder III
[Image]
I was then taken and hung by the larger of my two testicles from
the Wall of the Bastille. It was at this stage I decided I'd had
enough
Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder III
[Image]
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