I'm back. I apologize for being away for so long, but the last year has been a difficult one for me. As you may remember, I set out blogging, a countdown to the revolution as I put it, last April, with a lot of confidence. I think I half expected the people's revolution to fall into my hands, just like that, without any effort of my own. I thought I saw the signs all around me. I thought the masses were finally ready to grab destiny in their own hands, at last, after 150 years of political awakening. I thought the revolution would be little more than a sudden, collective change of perspective, that the masses would simply wake up one day, look at each other, have a laugh at their old, shallow selves, and run off to create the workers' paradise.

But there was no revolution. The months went by, and nothing happened. The masses continued to roll around in the pigsty of instant gratification, slurping the latest Hollywood filth from their mass-manufactured trays, oinking the latest national anthem at the bidding of their owners. Capitalist empires didn't fall, they seemingly strengthened. They gathered forces and prepared to make war upon the last strongholds of worker's socialism, the last strongholds of opposition to global capitalism - Afghanistan, North Korea, Iraq

I began to suspect that I had made a terrible mistake. I had placed my trust in the common man. I had thought that given a free choice between building a workers paradise and continued torment in the dead machine of modern capitalism, the common man would choose freedom, would choose liberty, would choose communism.

But the masses are like laboratory rats in a labyrinth. One cannot expect them to find their way out on their own, they must be prodded and pushed, encouraged and discouraged, with violence if necessary, by an individual with a greater vision than their own. One who stands above the petty emotions, temptations, ambitions, conflicts of the common man. A leader - with clarity of thought and steadiness of purpose, merciful yet ruthless, human yet God-like. Only thus - from above - will the revolution ever come to pass.

Armed with this revolutionary thought I have continued my intellectual struggle. I have carried out an extensive amount of historical research. What, I have asked myself, are the qualities of such a leader? If I met the natural born Leader on the street, how would I recognize him? I've studied at length the the great leaders of the past, Napoleon and Bismarck, Lenin, Stalin and Hitler. What did I learn? For one thing, I've recognize several of their qualities in myself - daring, resourcefulness, intelligence - surely a good sign for the future of the workers' revolution in Norway.

More importantly, I learned to reduce my expectations, to be realistic. I started out, perhaps, with an idea that a Leader had to be perfect, never straying from the shining path towards workers' socialism. But - as I soon discovered - these historical leaders we all admire so much were not superdictators! They were common dictators, real super-men. They started their careers as regular wannabe dictators just like you and me. They had their servants put their pants on one leg at a time. Hitler was a bad painter. Stalin could show signs of paranoia. Nobody's perfect.

With this in mind, I began to look at some of today's leaders in a new light, and I discovered a marvellous development that has been hiding right in the open for some time. That is what I want to share with you today.

Much criticism is being directed towards Saddam Hussein these days. Some of it is true. Some of it is not. Some accuse the Iraqi Baath party of having strayed from its socialist roots. There is truth in this, but the core of the ideology has remained untouched - Iraq is one of the few countries in the world where practically everything is owned by the people. They even have free healthcare! And, if they have strayed, as some would argue, at least they have strayed from the right ideology.

My point is not that Saddam Hussein has captured the very essence of workers' socialism, or that he couldn't have done more to promote the socialist cause - that is certainly not true. All I'm saying is that he is one of precious few world leaders with a basically socialistic orientation who has the guts to stand up to, and the strength to seriously damage, the forces of predatory capitalism. Surely that counts for something?

Another of these leaders - obviously - is Osama bin Laden, the secretive Saudi billionaire who has built up a global network of deeply religious anti-imperialists. Again - not a perfect socialist, and, some would argue, perhaps not even a socialist. But let us not be narrow-minded. Let us not exclude potential allies from our cause over minor political differences.

The media would have us think that these champions of the oppressed have fallen, or are about to fall. But look again, and all that has happened over the last year and a half falls into place. Suddenly, it all makes sense, and fits the pattern of a revolution in the process of being born, not through the unlikely second thoughts of brainwashed consumer cultists, but through the active, guiding hand of visionaries. Before the workers' paradise can be built, the old order must fall, must be forced to fall, forced by the oppressed masses of the earth, united at last as they unleash their built-up anger towards the capitalist elites. In this, our strange new allies in the Middle East plays a vital, unexpected role.

We all remember how Osama bin Laden, in 2001, tricked the head wolf of the pack, the United States, into entering Afghanistan, that ancient quagmire of empires. We saw how a temporary retreat was turned into a long-term opportunity, as continued harassment from anti-imperialist guerillas forced the Americans to maintain a significant presence in the area, reducing its ability to defend its tyrannical grip on other countries.

We have also seen the fox of the desert, Saddam Hussein, skillfully trick even more American forces into that other ancient quagmire of empires: Iraq. We have seen him draw what he calls the enemy mercenaries further and further inside his homeland, giving them and their string-holders a false sense of security - placing the sacrificial lamb onto the altar, so to speak.

We have seen all of this happen, and some have despaired, as I did. Tricked by the corporate propaganda of Western media, they have thought these events victories for the imperialist forces.

Comrades, do not despair. The trap is set, the head of our enemy - tricked by his own schemes - has been placed between the open lion's jaws, ready to snap shut. Even traditional yankee henchmen are beginning to realize the vastness of their mistake. Watching BBC World over the last week, I have been struck by its reluctant acknowledgment that the Iraqi war is not going as well as their masters told them it would, that the Iraqis, united behind a strong leader, as is their duty, lack nothing in terms of loyalty and fighting spirit. When even the British, chief pitpull of international corporatism, can see the trap, the Americans themselves cannot be far behind.

But it is too late for clever schemes, too late to escape the trap. All the pieces are in place, and all that is awaited is the final order of Saddam Hussein for the public castration of the mad dog of Washington to take place. When this happens, and I believe it shall happen very soon, through a coordinated attack on their over-extended, battle-weary forces in Iraq, it will be a signal for all the enemies of capitalism, all the victims of consumerism, to strike out at their masters and owners. They will strike in Iraq, they will strike in Afghanistan, they will strike in Paris and Berlin, in Oslo and Stockholm, in Mexico City and in Buenos Aires. Chaos will ensue. There will be wars, terrorism, financial ruin. Some things that we cherish will fall, but all that we hate will fall also.

Out of these ruins - the perfect conditions for a new beginning - will rise a new order. We shall build that order. We shall not wait for it to build itself. We shall build it with discipline and vision, according to the revelations of Marx. We shall build paradise for all mankind. It will be hard, but we will be strong. Our victory is not in doubt.

Comrades, I present to you: The future.

Now go home, gather supplies, grow a moustache, and await the signal.

Frigging brilliant!

Kjempegott, eller vad ni säger i Norge =P

But I spent all that money on electrolysis to get RID of my moustache!

If I try and grow a moustache, it's itchy...

Brilliant stuff Bjorn, glad to see you've kept this blogosphere tradition up....

You are soooo full of sh-t you as--ole.
grow up and get in touch with what the f is happening .

Pravda!

The Chairman Smiles, Comrade Bjorn!

It's almost like christmas around here 8^) Outstanding!

We are humbled by your brilliance Bjorn.

Dare we hope for two in two years ?

What is the betting line on Beam-ing somebody again ?

With that banner, what's the chance?

I've read it twice, and I tried each time to give your arguments some opportunity to be understood, but, I'm sorry, I feel you've gone way off the deep end here.

>>>extreme subject change

I have noticed that the on-air news anchors have developed an ability to ask questions that if written out would cover 3 full single-spaced typed pages. "Ask the question!!!" Example:

[Christian is an embedded reporter with the 983 Expenditionary Force, 4th Brigade, etc., etc.]

"Christian, we have been hearing back here that there have been incidents where Iraqis dressed as civilians have been driving up to check points, or walking up, I suppose, and pretending to be harmless only to pull out a weapon. Are you hearing about that where YOU are, and, if so, what are the soldiers you are with doing differently to be safe from these types of tactics, and can you give us a sense of what the soldiers there are thinking when they hear about such things, because it would seem to be very nerve-racking to have to deal with such an unpredictable environment like that...?"

Is that Geraldo standing behind Hitler on the banner?

No, it's Stalin. Who is this Geraldo you speak of? Does he have a moustache? Is he an evil dictator?

Thank you, Comrade Bjørn.

When the disease of rightist deviationism is destroying even once proud anti-bourgeois vanguard forces like the British Labour Party, when my Marxist pottery at the Croydon Basket-Weaving Centre is failing to incite revolutionary praxis among the masses to the degree that Marx predicted, your words give us cause to draw strength, uplift hope and struggle.

I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that Marx-Lenin-Staerk thought is the true path to proletarian victory. CMEPT NMПNPRALNCTN!

may i have fries with the new order.

Bjørn,

I believe you came close, but your banner just misses the mark. For the true upholder of Workers' Paradise: Fidel Castro! He has a much finer growth of facial foliage than the apostates and revisionist shown, all of whom show that they have no _true_ commitment by limiting themselves to only a furry lip.

Shaving is a sign of the running dog Capitalists' oppression of the masses.

Come the Revolution and unless you undergo full, final and complete™ self criticism and re-education, I'm afraid you'll have to be one of the first up against the wall.

Comrade,
Whilst Geraldo isn't yet an evil dictator, I am convinced that this is only because he hasn't been given the opportunity. He has all the qualifications---eerily Stalinesque facial hair ( http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/03/31/iraq/main547019.shtml ), an ego the size of Krasnoyarsky, charisma (put him in front of a camera and he'll fairly dance), political beliefs easily moulded by his handlers, and a wardrobe that would stun a yak. What say you, Stakhanovite?

Revanchist splitter. Your "dream" is built upon false-consciousness understandings of the principles of Marxist-Leninist thought. You cannot "build" a paradise, just as you cannot "grow" a moustache. You must allow the desired end-point to come to fruition through the inexorable historical/sartorial laws laid down through human nature. Running dog lackey of the Vidal-Sassoonists!

Is it okay if I just grow my eyebrows together so they meet in the middle?

So. You got attacked in Norway for being too pro-American. As eventually you would. Being friendly to Americans, - being understanding of an American point-of-view is, essentially, suspect in Scandinavia, and in the rest of Europe. It was inevitable, as both you and I know.

This is actually a better way to blog: a sense of humor, and pointing out the essential absurdity that the Euro finds himself in - the passion for being a "contra" to Americanism means... what? Being pro-Saddam? Being pro-pan Arab Ba'ath? Or, in other words, being pro-fascist...?

I think this is the better track, Bjorn. America doesn't need European friends. America just needs Europeans who understand what America supports, and what America opposes.

If that is understood, then Americans will know that the message is getting through. But if it were only that simple... unfortunately, for the past thirty years, in the era of postmodernist multiculturalism, which was essentially championed by French post-Marxist ideology, certain basic values got watered down in lazy, easy-going relativism. America snapped out of it on 9/11. Will Europe? All evidence points to the fact that Europe is still slow to get it...

But you seem to be on the right track.

Thank you.

Okay, who the h*ll are you and what have you done with Bjorn!?

Love it, just love it!

My family history has proven to me that Norweigens and those of Norweigen descent cannot grow proper moustaches. Miserable little white spiderweb wisps are all I or my cousins can ever muster. Sadly, it appears we have no possibility for a leadership position when the glorious revolution comes. I suppose I ought to just go find a nice wall to get shot against.

I was once married to a woman of Norweigen descent. Amazingly she had blond hair and blue eyes, but no moustache.

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Dean's World: Finally, The Truth!, April 1, 2003 08:57 AM

Truly, truly, Bjørn Stærk is a genius who has shown me the true path to glory. I follow him, for he is, while far too...

Richard Bennett's Omphalos: Shocking conversion, April 1, 2003 12:36 PM

My god, Bjorn has gone over to the dark side. I'm shocked and surprised. Again.

Transterrestrial Musings: The Tradition Lives On, April 2, 2003 06:13 PM

I forgot to mention yesterday that Bjorn Staerk has maintained the tradition he started last year. I hope Alex Beam